Hi there - I mean, Kia Ora
A few months back, we were making our way through the drive thru on takeaways night, and the energised wahine on the other end of the speaker box greets us with “Kia ora! What can I get you?”
And my immediate / unconscious reaction was “Hi! Can I get…..”
Thinking nothing of it, I rattled off the family’s orders and continued our way through, to be greeted at the paying window by the same young lady - proudly engaging in her te reo greetings. She may or may not have been māori - I don’t like to judge on looks alone, but she certainly had the reo (side note - the sign of good things in this generation!).
As we sat in line waiting for the next window, my husband gives me a “hey love...”
I give him my most curious, inquisitive look, and he asks me.
“How come you didn’t say kia ora back?”
And just like that I’m back in any number of moments in my past 34 years of life, reliving that feeling of not being “māori enough”. How at my age, is “Kia ora” not my natural greeting?
Might I add, my husband is so often good at shining a mirror on my blindspots. He sees life through his own lens, and after 20 years we’ve learned to point those things out and for the most part, not feel an ego response triggered.
But in this particular instance, I was absolutely triggered.
I started replaying the conversation over and over again in my head. Why didn’t I say kia ora? Why didn’t I even think of it? Why does hi roll out of my mouth so unconsciously, without a thought?
I mean, I’d been going to te reo classes for over a year now, and here was another example of that very shadowy generational belief system still lingering in the corners, ready to jump out at any prime opportunity.
Why after all this time, had I not got it right?
THANKFULLY, NOWADAYS I HAVE TOOLS TO BE ABLE TO MEET THIS TRIGGER WHEN IT SHOWS UP.
Maybe you’ve been in this space once or twice before too? And wondered how you can better deal with these triggers.
Maybe you’ve had an experience like this that has been so pivotal, that it’s impacted how you show up.
First up, we need to take a look at why moments like this trigger such heightened reactions. And what those emotions even are. Because like I said above, when this is going down, there are a whole heap of thoughts flying around in the headspace of worthiness and enoughness.
Coming out of our mind though, and into the body, we can choose to look for the emotion that is causing these negative thoughts.
Is it shame? Embarrassment? Guilt? Fear? Something else?
Next up, it’s about settling in, without judgement on these emotions. Because they’re there to teach us something right? They’re there to remind us there could be healing to be done in our inner self.
For me, in this particular moment, the healing is around accepting that me not having my native language as an unconscious default, is not my fault.
My natural greeting in unplanned situations, not being kia ora, is not my fault.
The generations before me, were stripped of our language through colonisation, and they chose a path that gave them the best possible outcomes with the cards they were dealt. This was not their preference, and also not their fault.
Knowing this, helps me to reframe those emotions. Accept that I was triggered by a generational emotive response, and choose self-love to move forward from the moment.
WHEN I CHOOSE TO MOVE FORWARD WITH A NEW RESPONSE, I CHOOSE THE NEW GENERATIONAL BELIEF SYSTEM THAT MY CHILDREN WILL INHERIT.
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